We Found Porn in the Woods

Ladies and Gentlemen… May we present – PORN IN THE WOODS.NET

A while back on Gunaxin, myself and the other Masters of None decided to share with you our Top 8.5 Things We Did Before Technology. First off, if you haven’t listened to the show, I suggest you do so immediately (/shameless plug). We reminisced about all the things we used to do before the internet completely ruled not only our lives, but our sole destination for the procurement of all things porno.

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Spoiled Brat

Today during this Age of Google Enlightenment, in mere moments I can find people doing unspeakable things to each other, inanimate objects, farm animals, and more fetish fulfillments than you can shake a double sided Steely Dan at. But back in the day we had none of this. I had no idea that people were dressing up like minor league baseball mascots and plugging one another, let alone that it required membership dues.

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Noah's Ark Got Lonely After a While

Back then, the best I could do was find my closest wooded area and scour the landscape for wayward porno. And for whatever reason, it was always there. Abandoned car? Stacked to the gills with porn. Tree fort? Porno was used for insulation. Camping out and hiding porno. It’s what the woods were made for!

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Niiiiice Redwoods

So we decided to bring it all back full circle with combining our favorite past time of finding mid-grade quality smut in the woods with the convenience of the webernets.

So check out PornintheWoods.net and relive the carefree days of birches and bitches, aspens and perfect tens, pussy willows and…. well… you get it.