Why YouTube Makeup Tutorials are Terrifying
Every Halloween without fail there will be a new cinema release claiming to be the most terrifying film of the year, but this is the internet generation. Why pay 10 bucks to see 80 minutes of film to not jump at the bits you saw in the trailer, when you can watch 10 minutes of a person transforming into an abomination of the human form in real-time for free on YouTube?
Coraline was creepy as shit, but it was still a kids film and we know that those dolls were tiny, even if they were alive they’re still massively vulnerable to a size 10 to the miniature dome. YouTuber SteacyJ however felt that there as just too much happiness in the world and did this.
Although visually very impressive, it’s overshadowed by the fact you’re being eye raped by something most people’s nightmares would consider too R-rated. But SteacyJ is just one of dozens of YouTubers determined to out do each other in a seemingly endless circle of progressively outlandish and faith destroying feats of makeupery… makeupsmenship?
So your girlfriend wants to see Paranormal Activity 4? Screw that noise, just sit her down and let her watch this girl melt her face and stab out her eyes in real-time.
Okay girl, take it easy. Don’t want to over do it.
Maybe melting isn’t her thing, in which case she could watch this nice lady slowly have demons from another world try to explode from her cheeks as she turns into Billy the puppet from Saw.
There are no smiles on YouTube. The spider eggs we secretly implanted in your face will soon see to that.
Good, now all you need to do is paint that shit while never once breaking eye contact with the viewer. Unbroken eye contact is the best way to communicate trust with your YouTube audience.
Maybe you’re a zombie fan, in which case you can watch this girl (it’s always girls isn’t it?) turn into a zombie, then turn back as she tears off the face you’ve just seen her painstakingly construct, seemingly just to fuck with you, and only you. Then hold it up like some sort of unholy trophy.
You know what, fuck YouTube. Now we now why people just watch cat videos.