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Which Woman in History Would You Hatef$#k?

We all know that ‘hatef$#k’ is the act of having consensual sex with someone who you hate. We’ve already picked which Disney villainess we’d go with, so now let’s look back in time to some unlikable women.

Bonnie Parker

This legendary outlaw and her man, Clyde, took the authorities for a ride which ended in the two lovers dying in a hail of bullets in their car. History, of course, never actually mentions anything about their sexual exploits, but you can bet they likely played ‘hide the booty’ every chance they got.

Eva Braun

Hitler’s mistress/wife, died with him in a bunker. She’s not bad looking at all, and certainly has that ‘pure’ Aryan look. Just imagine – you’d be getting Hitler’s sloppy seconds.

Marie Antoinette

Marie Antoinette, the wife of Louis XVI of France, started off well-liked by the people of France, but eventually was accused of being profligate and promiscuous. During the French Revolution, she was convicted of treason and killed. And, oddly, she was actually quite a bit more attractive than Kirsten “Snagglepuss” Dunst here. Not that that’s saying much.

Joan Crawford

If you believe her daughter, Christina, Crawford inflicted physical and emotional abuse on her which was immortalized in the film Mommie Dearest. I’d bet Old Joan here would just get all quivery if you brought in a bagful of clothes hangers just before you jumped her old-ass bones.

Ethel Rosenberg

Along with her husband, Julius, she was convicted and executed for attempting to give nuclear secrets to the Soviet Union. She was 35 when she died. So she was still a pretty young piece of tail before she kicked it, so at least she hasn’t been used too much.

Anne Bonny

A female pirate; dirty, sweaty, unkempt, rude, disgusting, and probably had a mustache. Hot.

Marge Schott


Marge Schott, the former owner of the Cincinnati Reds, used to make slurs toward African-Americans, Jews, Japanese and homosexuals. Major League Baseball suspended her for two seasons for saying that she had supported some Nazi policies. And cute as a button, too, dontcha think?

By the way, I don’t expect a single vote for this woman.

Leona Helmsley


This billionaire was nicknamed the “Queen of Mean” and made statements such as “We don’t pay taxes. Only the little people pay taxes.” Her will left a $12 million trust fund to her dog. It’s hard to find any inkling of attractiveness in this gargoyle. She has a Travoltan hair-do, skin that looks like a sun-stroked saddle, and, likely, breath that seems like it ought to smell like and ashtray and ass. Hot as HELL!

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