Who Said It: Charlie Sheen or Hitler?

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While spending the last two weeks drinking in the three-ring-alien-circus-from-the-planet-Demento that is the Charlie Sheen media blitz, I’ve been pondering how to properly cover it. Simply pulling excerpts from his hilarious/manic rants doesn’t seem to be an adequate enough way to describe the spiraling out of control behavior of a derailed celebrity with a first-class ticket to Lunaticville. So, I invented this fun guessing game: Who Said It: Charlie Sheen or Hitler?

Who Said It: Sheen or Hitler?

“All great movements are popular movements. They are the volcanic eruptions of human passions and emotions, stirred into activity by the ruthless Goddess of Distress or by the torch of the spoken word cast into the midst of the people.”

Hitler

hitler

The whole “Goddess of Distress” thing sounds like Sheen, but it belongs to Adolf.

Who Said It: Sheen or Hitler?

“It’s just strafing runs in my underwear before my first cup of coffee, because I don’t have time for these clowns.”

Sheen

charlie sheen

I can totally see Hitler doing strafing runs in his tighty whities too.

Who Said It: Sheen or Hitler?

“I’m not fair game. I’m not a soft target. It’s over. There’s a new sheriff in town. And he has an army of assassins.”

Sheen

charlie sheen1

Again, very reminiscent of der Führer. Alas, it’s Chuck Amok.

Who Said It: Sheen or Hitler?

“Anyone who sees and paints a sky green and fields blue ought to be sterilized.”

Hitler

hitler1

I thought for sure this one was Charlie’s. Dammit!

Who Said It: Sheen or Hitler?

“They lay down with their ugly wives and their ugly children and just look at their loser lives and then they look at me and say “I CAN’T PROCESS IT,” well, no, you never will, just stop trying. Sit back and enjoy the show.”

Sheen

charlie sheen2

100% Sheen, bro.

Who Said It: Sheen or Hitler?

“I go the way that Providence dictates with the assurance of a sleepwalker.”

Hitler

hitler2

This one was a real stumper. Could’ve gone either way.

Who Said It: Sheen or Hitler?

“Through clever and constant application of propaganda, people can be made to see paradise as hell, and also the other way round, to consider the most wretched sort of life as paradise.”

Hitler

hitler3

The word “propaganda” gave it away. Nazis love themselves some propaganda.

Who Said It: Sheen or Hitler?

“I don’t live in the middle anymore. That’s where you get slaughtered. That’s where you get embarrassed. From the prom queen.”

Sheen

charlie sheen3

Prom queen? Where the hell did that come from? Who cares, it’s awesome.

Who Said It: Sheen or Hitler?

“Your face will melt off and your children will weep over your exploded body.”

Sheen

charlie sheen4

This has gotta be dialog from The Arrival 3. Right?

Who Said It: Sheen or Hitler?

“Universal education is the most corroding and disintegrating poison that liberalism has ever invented for its own destruction.”

Hitler

hitler4

Vintage Hitler.

Who Said It: Sheen or Hitler?

“I’m sober down to my Adonis DNA.”

Sheen

charlie sheen5

How does one acquire Adonis DNA? Because I need some.

——–

Thanks for playing, folks. Until next time…

Chiefs Thumb Camp Halloween Hearses header23 Screen shot 2010-10-28 at 12.09.45 PM Pumpkin

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