The Most Awesome Mustaches Ever

By Stew Miller (@StewWriter) on May 18th, 2010

So it seems FOX is introducing a new show featuring Bradley Whitford called “The Good Guys” where, regardless of the plot, his character, Dan, has a wicked cool mustache. Here’s the preview:

As you can see, Dan’s mustache even has it’s own recognition in the title! Now that’s awesome and I even have to admit that the show looks pretty damn funny. Be that as it may, it got me thinking about mustachioed fellows… well, wait, not like that… look, stop being gross! I was just saying how many guys with famous mustaches have lived through our history, and just how cute they were. Kidding. Here’s a rundown.

Fu Manchu

How cool is this fictional psychopathic minion of evil? Not only is he cool enough to have a sick mustache, but a sick mustache famous enough to get a category all its own.

Teddy Roosevelt

Oddly, this mustachioed former president was the penultimate one to wear facial hair. We haven’t had one since. Weird. Anyway, his well-groomed lip broom is pretty famous.

Ned Flanders

Somehow, this devout (nearly to a fault) Christian seems to be even more lustful toward his own mustache than he ever was to his deceased wife, Maude. It looks like even the Lord has a little sinful competition against this awesome mouth bristle.

Hulk Hogan

From Super Nanny, to Three Ninjas, to Wrestling, Terry Bolea, aka. Hulk Hogan has been sporting his trademark mustache for just about ever. Sure, it’s gone from strawberry blond, to bleached, to evil black, but it’s still one of the most iconic of all time.

The Inspector

More than a wink and a nod to Cluseau of Pink Panther film fame, The Inspector is a bumbling idiot who only manages to snag the culprit by sheer accident. He also sports a fine lip shrub.

Captain Kangaroo

Ah, Bob Keeshan you were a kind, doddering old fool who sought nothing more than to bring a little innocence into the world for the wee ones. Often with a barrage of ping pong balls. Oh, and your push-broom-like mustache.

John Oates

The 80′s as a whole seemed to be inundated with far too many musical acts who just couldn’t tread water long enough. However, of the ones who did stick around far past their recommended expiration dates, only Hall and Oates provided us with a band with a beautifully coiffed food broom. Thank you John Oates.

Cleveland Brown

Ever since Cleveland was the token African American character on Family Guy with his squeaky, gravelly voice, we’ve come to know and love his ‘happy mustachioed face’. In fact, it’s just as funny on his spin off aptly named, The Cleveland Show.

Sacha Baron Cohen

Remember when this remarkably irritating actor’s 15-minutes weren’t up? Yeah, it was cool when he was all Borat and like, “It’s-a nice.” Right. We get it. Anyway, he’s got a mustache and everyone knows what it looks like, ergo: placement on this list.

Bluto

Popeye’s mortal enemy, the one and only monstrosity known as Bluto, sported both a mustache and a trim little beard. Definitely not his most well known features, they were still often clobbered off his cantankerous mug with a few well placed knuckle sandwiches by the spinached-up sailor.

John Waters

Ah, John Waters… what can we say about you and your pencil-thin mustache that hasn’t already been said. Hairspray, Cry-Baby, Serial Mom, Pecker and Cecil B. DeMented… need we say more? No, we needn’t.

Scruffy

What? An extra from a canceled-come-renewed animated show Called Futurama so high on the list of Mustachioed dudes? Damn right! It’s Scruffy! Sure, a background character, but who cares, he kicks ass.

Cheech and Chong

Sweet! A Double bill! Literally, separating these two is like trying to split an atom… wait. We’ve done that, haven’t we. Whatever you get the point. These two both had sweet amounts of facial hair and sure, Cheech’s might be a little more well known, but screw that. It’s Cheech and Chong!

Mario

Quite possibly the most recognizable animated mustachioed guy in either video games or anywhere, Mario keeps it clean, scalloped, and lookin’ good. His mustache is pristine and perfect and it’s a wonder since all he does all day is smash turtles and mushrooms and hang around in pipes.

Tom Selleck

Magnum mother-fuckin’ P.I. Easily the coolest mustache ever on one man. This fella’s mush brush could have taken on a life of its own, maybe in a show called ‘Mustache, P.I.’ Okay, that was lame… but I’d still count it better than half of the other shows on today! So there!