Ten Annoying Things About Christmas

FlasherEveryone loves Christmas time, and why not? Presents, vacation, parties, the holiday season is full of fun stuff for the whole family. Unfortunately though, the holiday season does have its’ drawbacks…

Christmas Music

There is nothing wrong with a rousing rendition of “Rudolph, the Red Nosed Reindeer” or “We Wish You a Merry Christmas,” but you can only hear the same 20 songs so many times in the now 60 day run up to Christmas before you want to strangle an elf. Thankfully satellite radio and digital music players have made it easier to avoid the tsunami on local radio, but every store, business and elevator has the same hour of canned Christmas music playing on a loop.

Tipping

There is nothing fundamentally wrong with tipping service folks at the holiday, but the sense of entitlement is ridiculous. The list of people you are expected to tip for the holidays include you mailman, garbageman, paperboy, super, cleaning lady, barber/stylist, pet groomer and, if you have kids, their teachers, aides, crossing guards and bus drivers. Now, you are more than entitled to show your appreciation for any and all of those folks, but it seems to be required to tip (cash of course) or risk retaliation. This requirement is especially onerous when the people expecting the tip make more than the tippers.

Christmas Cards

I am so glad that you care enough about me to send me a Christmas card. I will be sure to post the picture of your kids frolicking in fake snow at the Sears Portrait Studio, in a prominent place in my home, just in case you come visit. I know you think your kids are just the cutest things on earth, but honestly, I don’t really want to look at them, and since we talk every few days, I really don’t need an extra card to wish me a merry Christmas, just say it the next time we chat. Now I get to waste a night filling out envelopes to send cards in return, expect them some time in January.

Crowds

Even with the internet and the two month long build up to Christmas the malls and big box stores still seem to be crowded for the entire month of December. All I needed was a couple of pairs of socks and a six pack of Coke, I really didn’t need to spend an hour fighting past 300 lbs. women pushing around carts full of cheap Chinese crap just to make that purchase. And store managers, open another register.

Elf on the Shelf

This creepy little stalker is everywhere this year. The basic premise is that this small elf toy checks up on your kids throughout the day, then reports back to Santa each night. The parents are supposed to move him each night to “prove” that he left. Here is the problem, after two or three days it gets old. You get tired of moving him from place to place each night, your kids forget he is there and, if placed poorly, he is one heck of a fire hazard. And your Facebook friends are really tired of hearing that cute story about your kid and the elf.

Family Time

Christmas often means logging a number of hours, or even days, with family. However long you spend with them is usually about 20% longer than you should have spent. Even the closest families start getting sick of each other after a few hours, and unlike Thanksgiving, we don’t have the NFL to distract us.

The Christmas Letter

A product of a long dead era, the Christmas letter was a great way to catch up on the lives of distant families or friends. Often reaching multiple pages these letters can either be overly happy, overly boastful, overly intimate or depressing as hell. And they aren’t necessary anymore, as these days they are merely a collection of a years worth of Facebook status updates. Unless you have new, interesting information to share than just save everyone the time and don’t bother sending it.

Bitchy New Yorkers

We get it, tourist flock to your city to see the tree, Radio City or Times Square, but there isn’t a law that says you have to complain about it on Twitter and Facebook. I am sure that it’s inconvenient to move around them on the sidewalk on your way to work, but they aren’t all inbred yokels put on earth to impede you between trips to Olive Garden. Sorry to break it to you, but tourism happens. Get over it.

The War on Christmas

It doesn’t matter what your faith is, there is no reason to lose your mind over a Christmas tree on government property or some poor salesperson wishing you a merry Christmas. They aren’t trying to convert you and your children, they are just trying to celebrate the holiday. It may only be a small number of people fighting to eliminate Christmas from businesses and the schools, but they are the most vocal. If you feel your own traditions aren’t represented then offer to participate and educate, don’t take the fun of Christmas away from everyone else. The holiday has long since evolved from the religious and crossed over into the secular and commercial anyway.

“The War on Christmas”

Remember that last point? Those incidents are few and far between, unless of course you watch Fox News. According to Fox (and their associated media) there is a full on assault on Christmas led by atheist, socialist and Democrats who are determined to destroy Christianity. Just because your child came home from school with a dreidel and knows how to spell Kwanzaa doesn’t mean they will be marched off to the local mosque for conversion. If a politician or business opts to say “Happy Holidays” it doesn’t mean they hate Christmas, it just means that they decided that being more inclusive is better for their bottom line.

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