Learn Something, Stupid! – Part II : Spelling

spelling

Alas, this is not a perfect world. The chances of you, a time or two, committing an egregious spelling error are nearly 100%. It just happens, and you’ve no control over it. Hell, even if you were a World-Champion Speller (and I’m not insinuating that you aren’t, but I am assuming as much) you’d still make a mistake here and there because humans are a naturally erroneous lot and things just happen. That being said, there are specific times when one would correctly assume that fewer mistakes would be made. Say for instance in the professional world… perhaps making adverts. Yes, these would be times when correctly lining up series of words to actually convey a complete and exact thought would be preferred. But, this isn’t always the case. Come with me, won’t you? Let’s take a look at how everyone but me is a dumbass. See, even ‘dumbass’ is supposedly spelled wrong. As I was saying…

The Case of the Missing Letter…

Sometimes the biggest errors can come from the least noticeable sources: missing letters. This is one of the most common ways we as humans like to screw up because we’re always, naturally, in such a damn hurry. We’re looking so far ahead and revving up to move on to the next task so quickly that we’ve even taken to using as few letters as possible in words. That is just plain inex… hey, a bird! Ahem… here are a few examples:

accommodation (I’ve seen this time and again with only one ‘m’)
management (Again, we so frequently forget the ‘e’. Sneaky little thing)
assessment (Four ‘s’-es in there, buddy)
occurred (I think it’s the two ‘c’s that throw people off. Two ‘r’s, too, please)

The Case of the Excessive Letter…

letters

At the opposite side of the coin here we have words that are given too many letters. This just really makes for funny overindulgence on the part of the writer and it almost seems as though he or she has a stack of letters and is just tapping out of the issue by attempting to cram as many as possible in a long word in hopes that no one will notice. Here, too, are some samples:

commitment (Only two ‘t’s. There isn’t a pair after the ‘i’)
successful (I’ve seen this so many times with two ‘l’s. Seriously)

I Before E Except After C…

i before e

This lovely little rule has been a part of our lives since we picked it up in the third grade. Sadly, it’s not one of those useless things that goes away never to haunt us again once we leave school like Algebra or Home-Ec. This is one of those hard and fast laws of the English Language that we’re so proud of and that makes ours one of the toughest for language students to figure out. We just love our arbitrary and random rules and such. It’s what gets us hot. Take a few examples and get out of my office:

receive (Quite possible the biggest offender of all time)
their (Ha! Got ya there, didn’t I! This is one of those ‘exceptions’ we love so much)
perceive, conceive (Same root words, different prefixes, same problems)
believe (There’s your rule in action, friends)
weight, neighbor (I’m telling you, this is the reason everyone from other countries refuses to learn English correctly)

The Case of the Missing Letter: Part II

alphabet

The original missing letter incident focused on double letters that were the same and one of them had, mysteriously, fallen off. This time, however, we take a look at letters that are so obviously there when spoken, yet, inexplicably drop off when being spelled. I don’t know, maybe the author just assumes that there’s no real need for these letters and decides to give them time off, paid. Whatever the case, here are a few of our offenders:

information (Oddly, this often comes missing an ‘r’)
activities (Remember that last ‘i’ otherwise you’ve got some kind of bizarre energy pill)
really (I can’t even believe I need to showcase this one, Two ‘l’s, people!)
throughout (‘throught’ is some kind of weird fish)
performance (Oddly that second ‘r’ often drops out of commission)

You Are Obviously a Moron

moron head in ass

Sometimes there are those words that seem to trip up everyone regardless of how careful one tries to be. Words that you’d think would, at this point, be common knowledge. Ah, but this just isn’t the case. Come along, won’t you?:

its (This is the possessive form of it, as in, ‘its my porn collection.’)
it’s (This is a contraction. ‘It is [it's] fine with me you want to be in porn.)
your (This is also possessive. ‘I like your tits.’)
you’re (Contraction. ‘You’re not wearing any pants, either.’)
principle (A way, by which, to live your useless life)
principal (that cock in your high school who confiscated your butterfly knife)
except (Basically means ‘but’. ‘I liked her except for her cloven hooves.’)
accept (To let in or to stipulate to something. ‘Molly had to accept her fate at the hands of her captors.’)
affect (To act upon something. ‘Ted’s wife affected his emotions by cheating on him with the plumber.’)
effect (Is a noun, so it’s a thing. ‘Mass Effect’ is a sweet video game.’

So there ya go. A few diabolical errors that we can all take a few lessons from. Next time maybe I’ll cover not ending sentences in prepositions…

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