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Inevitable Christmas Cards

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Over the course of the next ten days or so, you are bound to get inundated with a variety of Holiday-themed cards filling your mailbox. Cards are great, and for the little money and the modicum of effort put forth on them, about the simplest and least taxing way to express how you feel about about the season that can conceivably fit in an envelope.

Some are overly adorned with glitter and ribbons and enough embossing to make a relief map jealous. Others are straight forward and plain featuring simple pictures and solemn messages. Still others are just hand-written notes and family pictures of your idiotic cousins you’d just as soon have drop off the planet. And still others are little bite-sized cards from people you’ve met once in a restaurant that night you ended up making out with the waitress and threatening the chef with your shoe for not adding enough chili sauce to your fries. But they’re all cards just the same and you get them every holiday.

So here’s a few examples of what you might see this year. Ya know, if you haven’t already hidden your address from everyone.

Your Dentist!

XMASCARD1Your Wife’s Annoying Cousins!


That Guy You Met At The Bar in November!


Your Ex-Wife’s Lawyer!


The Plumber!


That Weird Family You Spent a Summer in Austria With in ’98!


Your Uncle and His Weird Friend He Makes You Also Call ‘Uncle’!


Ping Pong and Hiriyuki From Your Favorite Chinese Restaurant!


Those Ever So Friendly Jehova’s Witnesses!


Your Insurance Agent!


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