Six Helpful Hints for Bachelor Parties
As everyone knows, bachelor parties are something we all feverishly look forward to. But watch out, because there are plenty of pitfalls awaiting you around every corner and in every cocktail glass and g-string. I’ve compiled a series of tips to follow lest you be deceived by the tempting hands of alcohol, erotic entertainment and general debauchery.
First off are the things you should never bring:
1. Don’t invite your girlfriend
In fact, never invite any woman to a bachelor party. They have bridal showers they can go to instead.
2. Don’t bring up your last experience with a stripper
Your buddies don’t care and the strippers certainly don’t either. And for the love of everything good in your life, don’t bring the last stripper you experienced. She will ruin the night in two ways: 1) by causing a turf war with the other female entertainers and 2), giving you no other choice but to watch as it all unfolds. Actually that sounds like it could be kind of fun… and lucrative if you happen to video it.
3. Don’t arrive with more than $50 in singles
You shouldn’t be spending that much money on yourself anyways and especially not 50 separate times. Also, try to be classy and don’t bring checks made out for $1 each. The only thing that the strippers want bouncing is dat ass. Be prepared to shell out cash for the Bachelor though. Depending on where you go, drinks and lap dances can get pretty expensive.
4. Don’t arrive on an empty stomach
Planning to save room for the sumptuous feast of malt liquor and grain alcohol that awaits you is not a good idea. Conversely, do not under any circumstances arrive with a full stomach, assuming that nothing will happen during the course of the evening that causes you to evacuate your entire Baja Chalupa value meal. Because it will.
5. Don’t mistake the stripper’s friendliness for interest in you
She wants to get to know the inside of your wallet, not your life story. On the other hand, steer clear of propositioning the stripper as if she’s a part-time hooker. I don’t care if their name is Cherry, Destiny, Sunflower, Sugar Mama or Steven, they’re probably not as freaky as you want them to be.
6. Don’t bring a weapon or anything that could maim, injure or kill
Murphy’s Law states that if anything violent can occur at a bachelor party, it will.
So, there you have it. Prepare yourself mentally. Prepare yourself physically. Prepare yourself financially. Because the night of a bachelor party could end with just a light hangover and a few fun memories, or your life in complete and total ruins.The choice is yours and yours alone. Have fun!