Five Worst People to Be on Facebook

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Think of Facebook like a never ending social gathering. We all know the worst people to be at a party. However, who are the worst people to be on Facebook? Let’s take a look…

5

The Meteorologist

Sooo nice out!! icon smile icon smile Love the Sun!”

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First off, if you don’t live near me and the weather is shitty where I am, you are rubbing it in my face and being an asshole. Second, if you do live by me, I don’t need your Facebook status  to tell me it is nice out. How about you get off the computer or your phone and actually enjoy the weather you are so proud to talk about.

4

The Personal Trainer

“Hitting the gym…big lift, can’t wait!”
“Neeeed the treadmill :(“

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We don’t need to know when you are working out. If you have been working out, we’ll probably notice the next time we see each other. If there is no difference in the way you look, than nobody cares about you going to the gym unless you are carrying around a sheet tracking your elliptical times and bench press history…yet still nobody cares. Beyond that, don’t be the guy who takes the picture of himself shirtless in the mirror. It is sad enough you don’t have any friends and only your biceps to keep you company, we don’t need to take time out of our day to pity you.

3

The Bitter Girl

“I could really use a wish right now…”
“Who needs guys?? I got my girls!”
“Where is my Prince Charming??”
“Now accepting boyfriend applications!”

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We get it, your boyfriend dumped you and you were upset about it…then you got over it…then you got upset about it again…then you wish you had a boyfriend…then you just wanted to be single and have fun…these are all normal emotions after a break-up I suppose but do you need to have all of us witness your ten stages of recovery? I can promise your Prince Charming isn’t waiting on Facebook for the chance to sprint over with his boyfriend application.

2

The Lonely Guy

“Insert Random Coldplay Lyric”

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Your girlfriend dumped you. The solution should be to get out of the house, meet some new girls, keep your mind off things…the answer certainly isn’t posting sappy lyrics from your Coldplay mix off your I-Pod on to your Facebook status. I would guess she isn’t going to read the lyrics to “The Scientist,” have a change of heart and come running back to you.

1

The Party Animal

“Gonna be one those nights (picture of 4 Loko can)”…
“sooo hungover”
“what happened last night?!…crazyyy”

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Wow, you are drinking?! You better take a picture to make the memory last and as visual proof to the world you are getting rowdy. Somehow, I think if you were having that much fun, you wouldn’t be taking the time to mobile upload a picture of an inanimate object. Are you sure you aren’t sitting in your room drinking alone and taking pictures so you could be “The Personal Trainer” on Facebook as well? In terms of the hangover status, save yourself the bullshit and just post “Please, Please, Please ask me about my night because I need assurance that I drank so much alcohol.”

Now you may be wondering why there isn’t a spot on this list for “annoying blogger who constantly posts his links that nobody gives a shit about which clogs up my news feed”…the answer is that clearly you do give a shit about it, since you clicked on this link and read it. Thank you for the hit!

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