A Tribute to Discontinued Cereals
OJ’s (1980s)
The O.J. stood for orange juice, not Orenthal James. Though O.J. would have likely killed it had it not already died. It was a cereal with the “wholesome goodness of real orange juice,” containing 10% real juice. Marketed as a mildly healthy cereal in that it was basically orange juice in cereal form and orange juice is at least conceivably healthy being derived from a fruit. Chocked full of Vitamin C, the little orange and yellow balls and rings were fronted by O.J. Joe, a cattleman. He would ride and corrall wild oranges in an effort to rustle up all that sweet juice needed for OJ cereal. The really daring kid would substitute actual OJ for milk when eating this. Here’s an old ad for this short-lived phenomenon:
Gremlins Cereal (1984-?)
One final movie tie-in, and yet another Ralston cereal made as a Cap’n Crunch knock-off. You can add milk, but never water to the breakfast treats. The cereal was fairly nondescript, but it had a great theme song, “Gremlins, Gremlins, bite after bite. What a tasty way to satisfy your Gremlin appetite!” The best I could find was the partial commercial below that someone taped over. Note, we don’t know what happens if you eat this cereal after midnight.
Body Buddies (1980s)
During Body Buddies’ short time on earth it was marketed as a good-for-you breakfast treat. It looked like Kix and came in two varieties, a Natural Fruit Flavor in a green box and a Brown Sugar & Honey flavor in a golden box. Pimped as having sixteen (count ‘em) vitamins and minerals, the box featured four kids doing exercises. Fans of Hannibal Lecter might remember this cereal also appeared in the original Thomas Harris movie adaptation, Manhunter.
Triple Snack (1961-1965)
It’s a cereal. It’s a snack. Triple Snack was a combination of roasted peanuts, sugar puffed corn, and sugar puffed wheat. You decide if peanuts can be in a cereal, or if that transforms it into something else like trail mix. Boo Boo of Yogi Bear/Hanna-Barbera fame was the original cartoon character hawking this stuff, but he got replace by the blue Triple Snack Giraffe. Tough break Boo Boo.
Jets (late 1950s to early 1970s)
Who didn’t sign up to sell this sugar coated oat and wheat cereal? You had Rocky and Bullwinkle, you had the Sugar Jet Kids flying around in their glucose induced high, you had Major Jet the Space Pilot exploring the universe, you had Mr. Moonbird, Johnny Jet, and Goggol the Alien teaming up to pitch it you, and as shown above you had the Go-Cart Kids with their dog. And that list doesn’t include the football players they eventually slapped on the box. The cereal was similar in shape to old school Trix or Kix, but loaded with sugar. Later on, they changed the cereal shapes to resemble planes, rockets, and planets. “It’s the cereal the will give you Jet energy,” was the tagline. Which I guess means you’re eating the equivalent of jet fuel, or dare I say rocket fuel? It’s awesome to market your cereal as a euphemism for a variety of stimulant drugs.
Rainbow Brite Cereal (1985-?)
I know this website slants more towards male readers, and I wonder if any of them would admit to eating Rainbow Brite cereal? Another Cap’n Crunch-like cereal except with bright colored rainbow pieces flavered like fruit, Rainbow Brite sold out to the man to make a quick buck. Eating this was a basically eating candy, and for most males came the stigma that claimed the cereal turns you gay. On a lighter note, at least all the ads ended in happiness and fruity goodness for all. The fruit flavor in every colorful bite is now extinct, and will probably never return.
Powdered Donutz (1980s)
Tasted like powdered doughnuts. Looked like bloated powdered Cheerios. Donutz actually came in two varieties, powdered and chocolate, but the former is what people really liked. Described as a crispy, sweetened, three grain cereal that was meant to taste like powdered D-D-D-Donuts and was dough-licious. I guess you can consider this an earlier forefather of Frosted Cheerios. You might also rememeber this ad:
Klondike Pete’s Crunchy Nuggets (1972-1975)
This one came in both a wheat and rice variety, and were actually just renamed versions of Rice Honeys and Wheat Honeys (which also went by the name Winnie the Pooh Great Honey Crunchers). The cereal was pawned off on kids by Klondike Pete, a bearded prospector who searched for gold with his mule Thorndike. In 1975, Klondike Pete’s Crunchy Nuggets were discontinued and the cereal that had existed under various names was finally gone. But Pete wasn’t gone. Apparently on a 25-year nugget hunt, Pete returned in 1999 for Golden Nuggets cereal after striking the motherlode in a new secret mine. Sadly, Thorndike had been replaced by a new mule sidekick, Pardner.
Tony’s Cinnamon Krunchers (2003-2005)
Maybe the success of Cinnamon Toast Crunch awoke a sleeping tiger, as earlier this decade Tony the Tiger began stalking cinnamon lovers with Tony’s Cinnamon Krunchers. And Tony would seem to be the right cat for the job, given his experience with sugary flakes. Except this task when beyond even Tony’s immense powers. Many consider the cereal and improved version of Cinnamon Toast Crunch, but alas it was not to be.
Corn Crackos (1967-1968)
Seemed like a good idea in the 1960s I suppose. Cracko, the orange waker-upper bird, peddled this suspiciously named cereal on kids in the late 1960s. Actually check that, according to Cracko, “the whole family will go for these sweet twists of golden corn cereal.” Allegedly these where sprinkled with cinnamon, but I have trouble trusting that bird. And I know the 60s were a bit adventerous and all, but really? At least you get an offer for a Mr. Potato Head on the box. I’ll let Cracko take us out with his tagline, “It’s crackles when you crunch.”
Choco Crack
Now this is more to the point! Two great tastes that just fit perfectly together! Just ask the two characters on the box, they seem positively thrilled about the flavor. Actually this one isn’t a discontinued cereal (that I’m aware of), I just figured it would be a humorous way to end this post. For those wanting to know, this is real box, but it’s one of those lost in translation foreign varieties. Probably was aiming for something like Chocolate Crunch.
If you enjoyed this article, you would probably also like our Tribute to Fallen Sodas.
